Yes, the decision to become a stay-at-home dad can be driven by personal choice. Many men elect to assume the primary care-giver role because it’s a wonderful, rich and rewarding thing to do.
Many do it for economic reasons: their spouse might have higher earning potential, having dad at home might be cheaper than childcare, or dad may simply be between jobs.
All of these tap into social change: the new dynamics of women in the workforce, shifts in male/female earning capacity, the costs of childcare, and a changing household division of labour.
In 2016, the Australian Census showed that men were the primary caregivers in some 80,000 households. New data released by theAustralian Bureau of Statistics (ABS), in the 2024 report Household and Family Projections, Australia, predicts that by 2046, there will be between 9.5 million and 9.7 million families in Australia (up from 7.2 million in 2021).
Couples with children are projected to make up 42% to 43% of all families by 2046; down slightly from 44% in 2021. Couples without children are projected to be the second most common family type, at 38% to 40% (39% in 2021).
Female lone parent families will make up 13% to 14% of all families (they were 13% in 2021). Male lone parent families are projected to increase the fastest of any family type, increasing by between 40% to 69% by 2046.
According to a 2023 report from the Pew Research Center in the United States, an estimated 2.1 million fathers were stay-at-home dads in 2021. Fathers in the US now represent 18% of stay-at-home parents, up from 11% in 1989. The increase is attributed, in large part, to women outearning their male partners.
With the change of roles and responsibilities, the concept of masculinity is under the microscope, impacting media perceptions of stay-at-home dads, and men’s wellbeing.
What does the Domain of Dad look like?
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies families with a stay-at-home dad are likely to have only one child at home.
The father will be older on average than a stay-at-home mother (43 vs 38 years of age) and have a lower level of education than his spouse or partner (the suggestion being that couples choose this arrangement for the mother’s greater earning capacity).
One in 10 stay-at-home fathers are students.
The Mental Health Factor
A research paper, Stay-at-home fathers, depression, and help-seeking: A consensual qualitative research study, published by the American Psychological Association in 2019, showed that stay-at-home dads adjusted to changes in their caregiving roles and masculinity, however social expectations had a significant impact on mental wellbeing.
Typically, the decision of participants to become a stay-at-home father was financial – spouses had a stronger earning capacity.
When questioned on how being a stay-at-home dad affected their own masculinity- many fathers reported an “increased” or “secure” sense of that masculinity. Some men did, however, report a decrease in their sense of “masculine security” and feelings of emasculation.
A sense of emasculation tended to be related to lost income earning and no longer being “the provider”. Some men worried that their spouse would lose sexual feelings towards them due to the changes in roles.
Participants in the study reported feelings of depression that commenced as parental responsibilities increased. Symptoms included decreased motivation, social withdrawal and “feelings of resignation”.
The stigma related to being a stay-at-home dad was seen as a contributor by some for feeling depressed.
Where to Find Support
Typically, fathers reported that seeking help for depression was a proactive means to protect and shield their family from their own struggles.
Help was typically sought from a professional therapist, although some men found non-professional help from social media sites or online communities. Internet forums provided many with acknowledgement of the pressures stay-at-home dads experience, as well as the joys that the role contained for them.
For those men who sought professional help, most reported having treatment for less than one year. Most fathers indicated that they would seek help again if required.
Back to Work
A 2021 UK report, Transitions Into and Out of Work: Stay-at-Home Fathers’ Thoughts and Feelings: A Brief Report, explored how stay-at-home dads felt about transitioning back into paid employment.
Most men reported an intention to return to paid work, typically when their child commenced formal schooling or pre-school. A minority anticipated returning to paid work sooner, citing the financial necessity of two jobs.
Most men expected to return to paid work in the future. Some felt the present arrangement suited the family dynamic or that having more children was anticipated.
Those looking to return to the workforce were exploring part-time employment options that provided flexible hours.
Some fathers were examining working-from-home business ideas that supported a hybrid parent-work role. This approach was seen by the researchers as a sign these men were moving “away from traditional ideas of the father’s role and suggests that their experiences of being a stay-at-home father have encouraged them to have different priorities in the long-term.”
Many fathers wanted to retain the role of primary caregiver even when they returned to paid employment.
A minority of fathers wanted a move to a balanced share of household responsibilities. One father said,
“We do things very old fashioned-ly at the moment in terms of I’m the one staying at home so I clean up, I cook the meals, and I do things like that; those things would have to be shared out a bit more.”
Some fathers felt “need” to return to paid employment along traditional masculine constructs. One father said,
“As a man I feel like I need time to be doing something that is mine, that is … constructive.”
Managing Expectations
Some men expressed anxiety and apprehension about the return to formal paid employment after a period leading the household cavalry.
Concerns revolved around changes to workforce demands, travelling time that would limit their family time and an expectation of long working hours. One father explained,
“It’s terrifying, especially because you hear of a lot of parents who don’t see their children on the weekdays.”
Many fathers valued the example they were setting (flipping traditional constructs) and worried that would be lost once traditional work patterns re-returned.
Real Men’s Health Takeaway
Stay at home fathers are in many ways, the pioneers of a new form of domestic masculinity.
Whether the decision to assume the primary care-giving role was due to pragmatic, financial or personal choice reasons- the data suggests that this ‘trend’ is increasing in households around the country and as a community we ought to support these progressive steps more.
