For many of us, our grandfathers retain almost mythical status when we examine their lives compared to ours. When we remember our grandfathers, we have the luxury of considering their longitudinal contribution to us as grandchildren.
We pass on their jokes and anecdotes to our children as from another time, a time of increased hardship, a time in the absence of technology and creature comforts that we enjoy within our generation.
With the increase in cost of living for many Australians, and in particular childcare fee’s- many parents are turning to their parents for assistance in babysitting and child minding while they (both) are working in paid employment.
Grandparent Workforce Data
A study in 2022 from the Australian Institute of Family Studies estimates that 2 in 5 grandparents were providing childcare of some form for a child under 13 years.
The Australian Government has acknowledged the trend of grandparental care for minors and has made the provision for additional financial assistance through the Family Tax benefit scheme.
Grandfather Research
An aspect of men’s health that is generally overlooked today, is our grandfather’s health, and how their roles have changed and evolved across modern times.
Researchers from the UK have published a paper examining the ways in which grandfathers have been ‘reintroduced’ into modern parenting considerations.
The UK research study conducted in-depth interviews to capture childminding understanding from 22 grandfathers. From these discussions, a number of key themes emerged which are listed below.
Theme 1: Intergenerational Repair and Competitive Grandfathering
The researchers noted that many grandfathers reflected on their absence as fathers due to performing the traditional ‘breadwinner role’ in the previous generation.
This structure was seen as preventing then from being an active participant in their own children’s upbringing. Some grandfathers expressed remorse and embarrassment when reflecting on their own childrearing experience, as well as articulating insight into themselves as being ‘deficient’ in this regard.
For those grandfathers, these previous experiences served to motivate them to ‘intergenerational repair’, with comments such as being,
“a better granddad than I was a dad”.
A number of grandfathers reflected on how traditional parenting models fell onto the mother/women to fulfil and thus they felt at times unprepared for the responsibilities of raising their grandchildren. As one granddad remarked,
“The problem with not doing much first time around, when my own children were little, particularly in the early days, is because you didn’t do it first time, you’ve no clue what you’re doing. Changing nappies, sterilising bottles, making formula. What little I did back then, I’d forgotten about. I felt out of my depth, which wasn’t pleasant, so to begin with, I left all that to my wife”’.
These grandfathers also expressed that as their grandchild grew and aged, they became ‘more interesting’ and their role (as grandfathers) therefore expanded. A telling comment from one grandfather,
“It took a while for me to fall into my stride, so when they got a bit older, I felt more comfortable doing things with them on my own. Like cricket, that was my thing . . . I’d always enjoyed playing cricket and we’d often go off and watch matches together. I’d buy them a drink and a packet of crisps at the club afterwards. It was our special place”.
Grandfathers also articulated that they wanted to be loved and not the disciplinarian within the overall family dynamic.
“I consciously chose to be different, not to be too busy or the one who lay down rules . . . That’s what I was like when my children were young, always telling them off. I was always, always the bad guy, and they hated me for it . . . Obviously if the grandchildren do something silly, or outright dangerous, I’d say something. But I don’t want to be this Victorian monster. I want them to like me and want to spend time with me”
Theme 2: Grandfathering On His Terms
Ignoring parental wishes were a theme among some grandfathers in his study. Parental directions around the use of technology (such as online games) were often overlooked by these men as they set to establish rules and boundaries on their terms. As one grandfather remarked,
“I didn’t know anything about Fortnite . . . They brought their [Nintendo] Switch over when I was looking after them one day. They’d sit for hours screaming away at their friends, playing online. It was nice to hear them play, to be boisterous, just like children should, and I’ll admit it bought me a bit of time . . . I didn’t realise that they’d been banned from playing it. But it kept them entertained . . . when their parents found out, they hit the roof. They don’t like the fighting, the guns. I don’t have a huge problem with it, it was cowboys and Indians when I was young, bows and arrows, so I left them to it”.
The tendency of some grandfathers to bend parental authority was justified along the lines of knowing what was best. A quote from one grandfather,
“Don’t get me started about modern parenting. It’s about wrapping them up in cotton wool, isn’t it? All this stuff they brought over in the early days, the car seats, the buggy, the boot load of junk. We just didn’t need it in my day . . .”.
Theme 3: Restrictive and Intermittent Intensive Grandfatherhood
Enjoying both their grandchildren’s company whilst also maintaining a balance to pursue individual interests was a point of discussion. As noted by one granddad.
“I adore my grandchildren, and I think some of that enjoyment is because we can give them back. I love being a granddad, a Pops, but this is my retirement time. I want time to be able to do the things that I’ve put off…”
Some grandfathers appeared to triage aspects of homework which they wanted to specifically be involved in. School activities which were perceived of greater ‘value’ (major school projects, sports), were favoured over more rudimentary activities (spelling lists).
“There are certain things that I won’t get involved in. The little things, like weekly spelling tests, everyday homework, I don’t do that . . . I helped Emily create a biodome one year for homework, a mock-up of the Amazon ecosystem. We spent days on it. I was happy to do that because it was a bit more important”.
Real Men’s Health Takeaway
Grandfathers provide a source of childcare support to their child and a world of personal support to their grandchildren. Acknowledging that many are making up ‘for lost time’, provides us a greater appreciation for the roles they play today.
